“I’m new to this kind of business of being a SoulPreneur,
but I’m not new to the wisdom I have in me to share with the world!”
This understanding just came to me while I looked at Rebecca’s testimonial page. She did it so nicely, creating pictures with her clients’ photos and their quotes.
This understanding probably allows me to speak more openly and freely about my own process.
Yesterday evening I’v finally participated in Rebecca’s Virtual Tea party. It was 6:30PM my time. I was on lake Zurich. The sun was high in the sky, caressing my face and my back. I felt elated. I set on the edge of the dock at the Badi with my legs swinging freely over the water. The wind blowing through my Geisha style blouse I wore on top of my swim suit, that was still wet from the swim in the fresh water. Equipped with headphones and a low battery iPhone I set to meet in a call with women from the other side of the world, Canada and the US.
I met Rebecca not so long after my move to Switzerland. I saw a FB post of hers that said something like “Rebecca likes to connect with people. If you want to connect with her or you know someone who might, contact…”. And so I did. I don’t know why and how as it’s so uncharacteristic of me. She was so open, genuinely open and friendly.
Two years later, in this call between lake Zurich and Canada, I'm learning at the beginning of the call, that I was the one who inspired her to set up the Virtual Tea meetings. In the first call we had two years ago I spoke to her about the need for meaningful connections in our society, and of my own desire to create a women’s group for SoulPreneurs (It took me two years to get the courage to do so!). She was touched by things I’ve said and took notes.
We think we know things and that blocks us from actually learning and moving forward with our dreams. We keep on saying “I learn from everything!” ; “Life is my school” but how much are we really learning? Or is it another habitual cliché, a thing to say, like asking “Hey, how are you?” and not even expecting a heart-full answer?!.
We’ve learnt so much about technology, we’ve learnt so much about the use of technology and how to put our work and creations out there. But I wonder, and it’s a genuine wonder not a criticism, how much have we really learnt about connections?
Who or what is it that we connect with?. Today, I actually realised with my inner eyes, that having a zen mind—beginner’s mind, is not so easy as we make it sound to be.
How much did we learn about learning?. Yesterday Robert told me with great excitement about an interview he listened to between Christopher Titmuss (My beloved teacher and friend) and Dora Kaff . He relays about Christopher's excitement of jumping into the sand pit, a therapy system Dora founded that gave children a safe space to open up and share. Because school is not a safe space where they can use their natural intelligence.
Where did we learn to learn? I can only tell about myself. I learned how to learn when I started raising my awareness through meditation, mindfulness and contemplative practices I’ve absorbed myself in since 15 years ago.
Do we really learn from the daily life experiences we have? (I see my eyes wondering to all those glamours mindfulness/transformational coaches out there that seem to have it all).
All those non-shiny things that we will never write a story on IG. All those moments where you washed your daughter’s hair from neats and cooked three meals a day. Just like I heard from a woman I dearly love, in a moment of tiredness and frustration “I’m reduced to actions that have no power in them”.
Except for the power of Love!
A moment ago I was right there in her shoes. And while my cat screamingly meows at me from the window, and I’m busy finding a plumber because the toilet just got blocked, and the fallen lemon from my dream still haunts me while I look at red lines in my bank account - I surrender to the power of Love. I pick up the brush and comb my cat. That’s exactly what he asked for. And with all the amazing work I do, those 5 minutes won’t change my world but will change his.
So I wrote to Rebecca a letter today, sharing with her my split world. How on the one hand I gain so many insights and openings, and the SoulPreneur group is gaining momentum and the breakthroughs I witness in the clients I mentor, I still can’t pay the bills and sometimes wonder about the shopping next week.
I see myself writing to her that I can’t share this (see how awareness kicks in now) because not having enough money - especially if you’re having a business that is an answer to your heart and calling - is labeled as failure. And when I write this I see also the parallel to another thing I can’t share which is my fertility journey. I’m tired of people’s opinions and “knowing positions”. When did we become such great judges to one another?!
So guess what?! I don’t give a fuck anymore. I need to share, because this is what’s going on in my life. If I can’t talk about what matters to me right now, from all angels and dimensions, then I feel un-whole. If someone wants to put the failure tag on me (because I talk about my pain) and choose to pay lots of money to "promising" expensive programs led by people who dress up really well, then let it ben’t! But I’m not going to be silenced by a difficult moment as much as I’m not going to be silenced by appearances and lack of genuine connections.
While I write all this I feel my belly softens and the burning in my stomach is gone. Maybe the lemon needed to ripen away from the tree to count for its blessings.
My cat sleeps an honest-sleep throughout my words on the green shawl I spread for him on the chestnut drawer to my right. Maybe they call it an honest-sleep because when the painful side of the heart and the hungry-for-love side of the heart meet something in life is finally aligned.
The power lies in places
of surrender to Love,
learning from life in the mud
where the roots thicken
before they rise above.