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Healing the Mother Wound: The First Steps

If it’s the first time you learn about the ‘mother wound’ or are looking into healing the mother wound, you are probably asking yourself: What is the first step to healing the mother wound?

A difficult relationship with your mother has probably left you feeling overwhelmed. So it is natural that when you consider healing the mother wound your sense of overwhelm can be triggered.

It could be that there are painful events in your past with your mother that you’re not so enthusiastic to recall. This is the case even for many women who’ve done a lot of mother wound healing.

But perhaps you’ve never before considered the fact that you have a mother wound so you’re experiencing now some confusion, concern or deep sadness.

These feelings are all very natural. In order to find your footing and not get overwhelmed or lost in confusion you can take these first three steps to start your journey of healing the mother wound.

Step One: Find the one thing

When we go on a journey we have to go through a process of deciding on the route we want to take. This decision will be followed by many other decisions, such as what would be the best time of year to travel, how to eat there, what we need to pack and take with us, and so on.

When we want to heal the mother wound we often get a barrage of desires—we want to find forgiveness and let go of shame, we want to feel enough and find meaningful relationships. The bucket list is plentiful.

Starting from the beginning could look like deciding on the one aspect of the mother wound that feels like it would make a huge difference in our life right now if it wasn’t burdened by the impact of our relationship with our mother.

Trust that whichever your starting point is, you will end up visiting all your wishes for healing. So for the first steps you want to focus on something small, relevant and that perhaps feels most poignant right now.

Step Two: Find your allies

So many women tell me that they have no one with whom they can share about their mother, the way they’ve been hurt or what their life with their mum is like.

For many years I kept my childhood a secret because all I got in response when I did share was judgmental looks followed by an unsolicited advice that I should forgive or accept.

Though it might seem impossible at first, there are people and communities who will not judge you, who will give you space to be who you need to be and share what you want to share.

It’s an effort worth making. This journey is not something to do alone. Having even one person who cheers you on, who gets you and what you’re talking about would make a world of difference.

Step Three: Find your guide

The mother wound is a relational wound. It’s a wound formed within a relationship and therefore can be healed within a relationship.

To start with you might not feel ready to open up and share with another person, and that’s fine. Maybe books or podcasts about the themes of the mother wound will be a safer space to find reassurance, confirmation and useful knowledge.

But when it comes to healing the mother wound there will be a moment where a relationship with a skilful and trusted other, such as a healer, coach, teacher, will be very important.

The mother wound manifests often as difficulty to trust others, a limiting belief that we have to do everything on our own or shame that’s triggered in the presence of others.

Learning how to trust, or relate to shame, will happen when you develop a sense of safety with your guide, and learn within the container of that relationship how to show up unapologetically and true to your authentic sense of self.

With these first steps you’re on a good path to healing the mother wound. There’s no right or wrong way to approach the healing journey of the mother wound. These first steps will help you feel less overwhelmed, more in control of your feelings and more confident in your path forward.

If you want to dive deeper and get support with healing your mother wound, check out my 1:1 guidance here.

Not there yet? Here a couple of way to stay connected:

Sign up to my Museletter for regular useful content on healing the mother wound

Take my video training on breaking free from mother wound limiting beliefs


healing the mother wound

Shelly's helping women whose relationship with their mother left a negative mark and want to become un-limited in their personal or professional life


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