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Why it’s Not Easy to Show Up as Your Whole Self?!


One of my past clients is a dancer.

You’d probably think that as a dancer she would feel very confident presenting herself and quite comfortable showing up in her wholeness.

As an ex-dancer myself, I know how misguided these assumptions can be.

We often make assumptions based on what we see, never really knowing what goes on inside the person or what processes they’ve invested in to be able to show up fully

Why is it that we fall for comparisons so easily? Why do we get trapped over and over again in assumptions about someone else’s happiness or success?

In the Buddhist teachings, the shell of comparison is the hardest to shed, and usually the last one to go.

It’s the last piece of our whole-self that falls into place.

My client, Marina, had already covered a lot of mileage when it comes to self-growth and healing before we started. She was therefore quite taken aback by the stubbornness of the panic attacks she was experiencing on stage.

Right in the place that gives her the greatest joy, in the place where she is most passionate about sharing her divine gifts, she’d get shaky legs, fearing she might fall off the stage; her palpitating heart and profuse sweating betrayed her inner turmoil.

Our work began with the aim of helping her to free herself from panic attacks.

In the way that I work, I look at our inner world as a quilt blanket—there are many parts which we can fit together. The blanket will fulfil its function no matter how you arrange the parts, yet there’s a sense of greater harmony when we discover which parts are best laid next to one another.

So Marina and I journeyed through her childhood as a black girl adopted by a white family, the mother wound caused by being given away by her birth mother and the alienation and coldness she experienced from her adopted mother, her relationship with her partner and the roles she had to take on with her, and her self-image as a performer.

It took about eight months, but after that time Marina didn’t have panic attacks anymore. It is now four years since we ended our coaching work, and she tells me that they have not returned.

Neither of us knew what it would take to heal the panic attacks, how long it would take or how the journey would look.

But I knew two things that are crucial for our sense of wholeness and have a significant impact on our healing....



Healing the Mother Wound & Meeting Your Whole Self

August 3rd, 18:30CET

For women on a journey of healing the mother wound and want to integrate more of their selves to feel safe and complete connecting both in strength and vulnerability

Learn and integrate:

  • What the connection is between healing the mother wound and the whole-self

  • How to integrate the unfamiliar parts within yourself

  • How to create connections without compromising your sense of safety


Being our whole self sounds very sexy. But those of us who are ‘on it’ know that it’s not so straightforward and easy as it sounds.

If you’re on a journey of healing the mother wound, you probably already know that being your whole self has an extra dimension (or challenge) to it.

If you’ve been around the block with healing and self-growth modalities there’s probably quite a lot that you have already healed and changed, “issues” you have become adept at framing skilfully.

Yet there are a couple of important elements that enable us to show up confidently as our whole self, which coaches and therapists often neglect to talk about.

These points will help you integrate more of yourself, just like they helped Marina:

1. Most understand the concept of ‘whole self’ as an independent, self-sufficient woman.

On the contrary.

You cannot be your whole self without connecting with others. Not only when you’re feeling strong but also when you’re vulnerable and in need.

You might know how to be your own healer, but being invested in that image means you haven’t yet integrated the parts in you that need witnessing or support.

It’s where the common saying ‘we are all one’ is embodied in real life

2. There will always be unknown parts of ourselves that we’re not aware of.

Working with self-growth modalities often engenders an inner expectation that you ‘should know how to deal with this’. This is pressure.

Discovering your whole self happens when you learn how to feel deeply safe as unknown parts or parts you thought you’d dealt with re-emerge.

It’s not about “been there, done that,” but about knowing how to integrate even those parts you are unfamiliar with

Being your whole self is at the heart of my coaching group, starting on September 5th.

I want to give you an experience of how what we’ll do in the coaching group could look/feel like and this free workshop will help you get that sense.

In this free workshop, I’d like to lead you through an experience which will help you tap into that whole self. You will learn:

  • What the connection is between healing the mother wound and the whole-self

  • How to integrate the unfamiliar parts within yourself

  • How to create connections without compromising your sense of safety

Here are all the details:

  • It’s FREE! — join if you’re curious about the coaching group or just want to have an experience of deep connection and wholeness

  • Tuesday, August 3rd, 18:30 CET, 40 minutes, online (17:30 BST / 12:30 EST / 19:30 Israel or check your local time here)

  • Recording? Not this time. The workshop aims to give you an experience rather than knowledge. For the sake of privacy, there won’t be a recording.

  • Upsell? Everything you need to know has been said. I will mention details about the coaching group for those who are interested. If this group is not for you, i trust you’ll gain a lot from the free workshop


Healing the mother wound coaching group

Shelly’s helping women on a journey of healing the mother wound who are dealing with the ways it limited their sense of self, relationships or the success of their calling and want to reach deeper levels of healing and step into their wholeness

Learn more about Life Alignment


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