The “Good Girl” Syndrome

“You don’t have to always be a good girl” my therapist told me.

At first, it didn’t compute at all! ‘Who? Me?????’, I thought. Nevertheless, some of this message landed and I had some space to not only reject her words but also to give them some consideration.

All throughout my life I was the rebellious one—did the unexpected, spoke when everyone kept silent, stood up for what others were willing to brush off… The 'good girl’ image didn’t really fit with the impression of my profile.

And yet… here it was, a part of me, and I could see why she had said that.

A sign of a good therapist is when they help you see the stuff of the unconscious while making sure you’re feeling safe enough to get curious about the (maybe shocking) new discovery

In the last Hakomi training, the grief over my childhood trauma reopened. Suddenly, I was drowning in sorrow and regrets, terribly missing my grandparents—my protectors—and feeling very very alone.

I was in so much pain that I even took a morning off and went to simply sit in the kind, autumnal Spanish sun and then followed up with a visit to the bar to comfort myself with a big, delicious toasted bread with local ham and a cup of creamy coffee. All food that’s comforting to my emotional body, but intolerable to my physical body.

When I returned after the lunch break, it was announced that the lead trainer, also my mentor, would be offering a demo session, and they were looking for a volunteer. No one raised their hand to offer themselves to be the client.

After a few moments of silence, I did.