Making the Unbelievable Possible, or a Fix for a Sense of Brokenness?!
The news about my grandmother passing away came in just as I was settling in for the night in a chalet, high up in the mountains of Lago Santo, Italy.
It was the summer of 2012 and I had just moved from Israel to Switzerland.
Instead of having the time to adapt to my new life with my beloved, I was catapulted back to Israel because my mother had had (yet another) mental crisis and someone needed to take care of my grandfather immediately.
I purchased a round-ticket to Israel and back in the knowledge that I was going there only to sign the papers to sell my grandfather’s apartment and bring him back to be close to us in Switzerland.
Much to my surprise, my mother had other plans for me.
She had managed to find a lawyer to issue what turned out to be an illegal petition against me and the sale of the house, and a judge to sign what turned out to be an illegal restraining order against me leaving the country.
It was an impossible situation, yet it happened.
“I thought I had dealt with her,” I complained to myself. I had not been expecting yet another drama from my mother.
Women who’ve had dramas with their mothers know how it feels when you think you’re past the triggers, past the dramas, past the stories or past the pain—and suddenly find yourself needing yet again to give attention and energy to familiar situations.
Healing the mother wound is not a fix to a sense of brokenness of yourself, your mother or your relationship
“My story has a long history,” many women say when they start telling me why or how they’ve suffered in their relationship with their mothers.
“I guess I just need to learn how to live with this,” they continue, expressing a poignant mix of despair and hope that they might, in the end, be proved be wrong.
There used to be a time when I believed that my mother’s dramas would be a part of my life forever.
That summer, I stayed in Israel for two months instead of the one week I had planned initially.
In that time, I accomplished much more than simply extricating myself from a barely imaginable legal bind my mother had concocted for me; much more than simply selling my grandfather’s home and using my time in Tel-Aviv to eat good Israeli food, go to yoga and pay daily visits to the Gordon swimming pool.
I freed myself from an umbilical cord I believed I was chained to. Since that time, I haven’t had any further dramas from my mother (11 years and counting).
Did my mother change? Not really. She’s still sick, but our relationship has changed.
When you change the way you see yourself, others change the way they see you and your role in their life
Like many women who deal with a mother wound, I was in victim consciousness.
Like many women I believed—completely unconsciously—that I could live my own life only through submission to the way things are.
But in that summer of 2012, I took those two months to alchemise years of working through my mother wound, diving deep into the beliefs that were to the exterior design of my life the interior body of my emotional being.
As you unchain yourself from deep-seated beliefs about yourself and your relationship with your mother, you gain new core beliefs that make the unbelievable possible.