If Your Mother Never Believed You
- Shelly Sharon
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
When your mother never believed you, it warps how you see yourself. You learn to minimise your needs, explain away the hurt, and call it “not that bad.” I’ve seen this pattern in women raised by narcissistic mothers, and it runs deep. This post breaks down why it happens and what it takes to finally trust your own truth.
I met my best friend at uni.
Hedi discovered that our birthdays are only three days apart, so she asked, “Want to celebrate our birthdays together?”
Till this day, she reminds me how I reacted.
I always loved celebrating my birthday and never had anyone really celebrating with me.
My grandparents sent me a birthday gift by post. Besides that, I don’t remember cakes, gifts unwrapped with excitement or spelling wishes over blowing candles.
I do remember my father never remembering my birthday and making a joke of it, and I’ve never held birthday parties at home because I was ashamed of our neglected house and my mother.
So I told Hedi back then, “Absolutely not!,” with the most fierce stay-away-from-my-territory look I could muster.
Long story short, we’ve become best friends (I’ve more than doubled my age since).
I was with Hedi when she gave birth and accompanied her through divorce, depression and many relationship disappointments and becoming a gifted tarot reader and financial investor.
I also witnessed the many times Hedi’s mum hung up the phone on her on a whim, heard her mum endlessly complain she didn’t care about her ( though Hedi called her e-v-e-r-y—d-a-y), and how often she emotionally punished Hedi.
Hedi had been to therapy before but only dealt with the absence of her father, relationship issues, and body image struggles— never talked about her mum.
Hedi broke when she found herself dealing alone with her child’s mental health and her mum said she deserved it.
After a few sessions with her therapist, looking at her mother wound for the first time, she told me: “I thought you were just exaggerating. I always told myself— it’s not that bad; she’s not that bad.”
I want you to know that the mother wound sits on a wide spectrum and your story is unique and important.
Women who grow up with a narcissistic mother can take years to see reality clearly, because the daughter’s assigned to only two roles: bestie or foe.
And no matter how much you try hard to please her to stay the bestie or avoid becoming the foe, she will still:
❤️🔥 Talk only about herself
❤️🔥 Redirect any good news back to her
❤️🔥 Insult your looks, friends or your choices
❤️🔥 Give money or help to keep you under her control
❤️🔥 Dramatise small events to keep attention on her
❤️🔥 Turn family member against you when you try to individuate
It can be hard to believe that some mothers can’t love their children and there’s no chance for a relationship there. Yet with narcissistic mothers it’s often the case.
The mother wound is a rupture in our relationship with ourselves, with others and with life itself - initiated in our relationship with our mother.
Growing up with a narcissistic mother often twists your relationship with yourself and with truth to the core: you tend to feel you’re “exaggerating” whenever you have a need or that others are exaggerating about how she treated you.
I heard these from clients I’ve helped heal the wounds from a narcissistic mother:
❤️🔥 “I’m just my mother’s extension—like a handbag”
❤️🔥 “She kept me a prisoner to her venom. Only when my father got sick did I learn he really loved me”
❤️🔥 “She doesn’t believe my pain and won’t ‘allow’ me to have the surgery I need.”
❤️🔥 “If I quoted back something hurtful she said, she’d insist, ‘That didn’t happen.’'
❤️🔥 “You deserved losing money in your biz because you didn’t want to give me money when I asked you”
And I know that the feeling that you’re exaggerating when you reflect on the hurt and mark left from your relationship with your mother is not exclusive to narcissistic mothers.
I also know that:
AND
I’d love to offer you my decade and a half of experience so you can wholeheartedly trust your feelings and needs, choose a partner who adores you, be the mother you want to be, or find friends and a career that you desire.
On Monday, December 15, my 1:1 rates are increasing.
If you book by Sunday, 14 December, you can lock in the current rate and choose to start now or anytime before the end of January 2026.
YOUR NEXT STEPS:
❤️🔥 Click the link below to tell me about yourself and schedule a free call so explore how we’re go about your healing desires
❤️🔥 Check your inbox for the confirmation email
❤️🔥 If we’re a good fit, you can purchase your package by December 14 and book your first session right away or by the end of January 2026
P.S. If you’re ready to believe you’re not too much and trust your feelings, now’s the moment—my current 1:1 rates increase on December 15. Book a free call here
P.P.S. Want to stop working hard to change your mother or others? My free private podcast BirthRite is the best place to start.Download your episodes now.
Shelly's is a trauma-informed, certified Hakomi therapist helping women who've had a complex relationship with their mother discover the hidden impacts of the mother wound 👉 so they can thrive in their lives & careers
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