I Lived Out Of Bags For A Year In My First Marriage: This is the Mother Wound in Relationships

For a long time, I didn’t realise how deeply the mother wound in relationships shaped the way I loved. What started as a romantic story quickly revealed a pattern — one where feeling safe meant being ready to leave. In this post, I share how my first marriage exposed the roots of my abandonment fear, what the mother wound really is, and how healing it can change the way we show up in love.

I met the man who became my first husband when I was 21, looking out the window of the second floor of the building where I was taking a course to prepare for my university entrance exams.

He crossed the big open courtyard in his white leather motorcycle jacket, his honey coloured hair waving gently up and down with the confident pace of his walk.

I was living with my mother after she was released from a mental health hospitalisation (a story for another time), so I stayed mostly at his place.

Only after a year together did he ask me to move in, joking, “Maybe you’ll stop living out of your bags?”

I hadn’t even noticed until that moment that my things were always piled by the entrance door, as if I were ready to flee in a split second.

He offered me space in his cupboard, and after a year together—with him already talking about marriage—you’d think I’d claim it.

I wasn’t ready to commit.

After years of healing my mother wound I understand that—I was committed to leaving first.

Do you catch yourself mentally packing the moment there’s friction?

Or do you go into overdrive—baking the cupcakes, rearranging your schedule, saying yes to everything—just so they’ll see your worth and won’t leave you?

Women with a mother wound abandon the notion of feeling safe in relationships before a relationship is even formed.

The mother wound is a rupture in our relationship with ourselves, with others and with life itself - and it begins in our relationship with our mother. 

In helping you heal the mother wound, NAME you’ll heal the rupture within yourself.

That’s why my 1:1 work helped dozens of women like you, whether your mother:

🐚 Left physically—she passed away when you were young, gave you for adoption or simply left

🐚 Relocated you far from your grandmother without explaining you wouldn’t see her again

🐚 Was Emotionally absent or neglectful

🐚 Was sick or suffered from substance abuse

Eventually I moved in with him and got married after 5 years. But 4 years later I had the courage to admit I was suffering and pack my bags—this time out of knowing that I chose the wrong partner to begin with.

He was a substitute for everything I missed out on in childhood.

That’s the cost of leaving abandonment fear untouched—is believing we’re not worthy of love AND that love exists in the way we need it.

If you choose to settle in confidently in your life it can look like:

🐚 Asking for what you deserve at work, because rejection doesn’t scare you

🐚 Not drop your plans (and pretend you had none) to secure you place by your boy/girl friend

🐚 Texting your mother back when it suits you, without fearing her reaction

🐚 Tell you therapist when you’re not feeling supported enough

🐚 Supporting your daughter in ways you couldn’t when you were younger

🐚 You split the work at home without worrying you’ll seem “too demanding”

I’d like to help you make that shift, to free yourself from the fear of abandonment so you can feel safe and adored in relationships.

On Monday, December 15, my 1:1 rates are increasing.

If you book by Sunday, 14 December, you can lock in the current rate and choose to start now or anytime before the end of January 2026.

YOUR NEXT STEPS:

🐚 Click the link below to tell me about yourself and schedule a free call for us to feel comfortable with each other and learn about the process

🐚 Check your inbox for the confirmation email

🐚 If we’re a good fit, you can purchase your package by Dec 14 and book your first session right away or by the end of January 2026

INQUIRE NOW

P.S. If you’re ready to stop mentally packing your bags every time things get hard, now’s the moment—my current 1:1 rates increase on December 15. Book here

P.P.S. Feeling tired of bracing for abandonment? My free private podcast BirthRite is the best place to learn how to move beyond it. Download your episodes now :

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Shelly's is a trauma-informed, certified Hakomi therapist helping women who've had a complex relationship with their mother discover the hidden impacts of the mother wound 👉 so they can thrive in their lives & careers