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3 False Truths about Healing the Mother Wound

Each time I’m entering a new group I go through familiar stages.

The first is the clarity of what I need, which comes with a sort of excitement I recognise as confirmation.

After a while, once I’ve started participating in the group, the second stage begins, which is doubt—did I make the right choice? Am I going to feel comfortable?

Some more time will pass, and sorrow will surface from the fear that people won’t want whatever is it I’m offering.

Most people try to analyse ‘why’ this is happening, but analysis gives us only the illusion of gaining some control: it hardly ever touches the real core of the matter.

Do you know what the core of your mother wound is?

The core of the mother wound is not a story, it’s not what happened or what you lacked, it’s not even who your mother is/was or what defines her.

It took me years to polish that core until it showed me with clarity how it manifests, what it serves and what it needs. It was like finding a diamond.

The word ‘diamond’, in Ancient Greek adamas, means ‘unbreakable’.

The core of a wound is a bridge to the unbreakable in us, and with the process of polishing and distilling we get to enjoy its incomparable beauty

The core of my mother wound is this: I won’t be chosen.

The sorrow I experience doesn’t come from my current reality: I receive a lot of appreciation for my contribution in groups. Yet still the sorrow can emerge.

The core wound has travelled through time and space and manifests in ways that analysis will never reveal.

Discovering and defining the core of my own mother wound has been hugely meaningful and significant in my healing process.

No matter that I don’t have anger for my mother anymore, that I accept her the way she is and have forgiven her for all her deceit, neglect and abandonment, the core of that wound derives its very nature from the emotional body, and under certain conditions it can press for further scouring.

Anger, acceptance and forgiveness are feelings and states of mind which most people hold as a mark of their healing, but the truth is that they don’t indicate how healed the mother wound is.

Getting to the core of both the wound and its healing is a process defined by freedom and choice

Sometimes you don’t want to let anger go, though you might not know it.

That’s what Mel and I discovered in our session this week.

Anger keeps her vigilant so she won’t be violated and robbed of her agency as she was in childhood.

She’s ready to fight for it, ready to defend her power, and without discovering the core of the wound, she has no choice but to go about it with her survival skills.

Were any of the anger-filled events she faced over the past months—the lashing out at a client, the quarrel with the neighbour, the energy of readiness for battle she woke up with every morning—clearly or intuitively seen as relevant to her core mother wound?

No. We needed to move through that polishing process in order to discover and define what was engraved on her emotional body that shaped the way she faces and understands current events.

It’s hard to feel sensitive to certain experiences and feelings, yet the nature of the heart of the mother wound is to reveal not only where you’re vulnerable but also where your resilience and freedom lies.

The only measure of your healing is how ready you are to open your mind—however many times is needed—to the pressing needs of your heart

Without the awareness of the core of a wound, the wound will shape the way you show up to your everyday life and challenges, handle difficulties and make decisions, form relationships and even experience satisfaction (some call it success) in your career, without having any choice about it.

The core of the mother wound is not a sentence to a lifetime of pain, on the contrary: it helps you know what the single, most urgent voice is that will likely emerge when you’re vulnerable, but also when you’re awake.

In my work with women over the past 15 years I’ve seen how these three false truths stood in the way of their healing:

Anger is pointless

I must learn to accept

I need to forgive.

I call them false truths because there is a seed of truth in the futility (and even danger) of anger, in the peace that comes with acceptance and in the capacity to move on that arrives with forgiveness.

Yet pinning the healing of the mother wound on any of these three is false.

Healing the mother wound sparkles like a gem from the core of the wound. The only conditions it obeys are the natural pathways of your heart

These false truths have strong collective conditioning.

I want to help you strengthen your natural pathways and your unique ways to find what you need for your own healing and sense of wholeness.

I’m doing all that in my coaching group.

You’re invited to join.

Have a look at all the details by clicking the button below, and if you feel it speaks to your heart schedule a call with me as joining is by application.

Starting in September 5th—less than two weeks.


Healing the mother wound coaching group

Shelly’s helping women on a journey of healing the mother wound who are dealing with the ways it has limited their sense of self, relationships or the success of their calling and want to reach deeper levels of fulfilment & wholeness

Learn more about Life Alignment


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