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3 False Truths about Healing the Mother Wound


Each time I’m entering a new group I go through familiar stages.


The first is the clarity of what I need, which comes with a sort of excitement I recognise as confirmation.


After a while, once I’ve started participating in the group, the second stage begins, which is doubt—did I make the right choice? Am I going to feel comfortable?


Some more time will pass, and sorrow will surface from the fear that people won’t want whatever is it I’m offering.


Most people try to analyse ‘why’ this is happening, but analysis gives us only the illusion of gaining some control: it hardly ever touches the real core of the matter.


Do you know what the core of your mother wound is?

The core of the mother wound is not a story, it’s not what happened or what you lacked, it’s not even who your mother is/was or what defines her.


It took me years to polish that core until it showed me with clarity how it manifests, what it serves and what it needs. It was like finding a diamond.


The word ‘diamond’, in Ancient Greek adamas, means ‘unbreakable’.


The core of a wound is a bridge to the unbreakable in us, and with the process of polishing and distilling we get to enjoy its incomparable beauty

The core of my mother wound is this: I won’t be chosen.


The sorrow I experience doesn’t come from my current reality: I receive a lot of appreciation for my contribution in groups. Yet still the sorrow can emerge.


The core wound has travelled through time and space and manifests in ways that analysis will never reveal.


Discovering and defining the core of my own mother wound has been hugely meaningful and significant in my healing process.


No matter that I don’t have anger for my mother anymore, that I accept her the way she is and have forgiven her for all her deceit, neglect and abandonment, the core of that wound derives its very nature from the emotional body, and under certain conditions it can press for further scouring.


Anger, acceptance and forgiveness are feelings and states of mind which most people hold as a mark of their healing, but the truth is that they don’t indicate how healed the mother wound is.


Getting to the core of both the wound and its healing is a process defined by freedom and choice

Sometimes you don’t want to let anger go, though you might not know it.


That’s what Mel and I discovered in our session this week.


Anger keeps her vigilant so she won’t be violated and robbed of her agency as she was in childhood.


She’s ready to fight for it, ready to defend her power, and without discovering the core of the wound, she has no choice but to go about it with her survival skills.


Were any of the anger-filled events she faced over the past months—the lashing out at a client, the quarrel with the neighbour, the energy of readiness for battle she woke up with every morning—clearly or intuitively seen as relevant to her core mother wound?