The Kind of Healing Everybody Needs
Hurts and wounds can show up like spring flowers after last winter’s storm, splitting old tree branches while moistening the earth for new colourful growth. They can feel like autumn leaves leaving us naked and exposed, a blazing sun that sears our skin and makes us feel thin and fragile, or a snow-blizzard that sends us home to hang out by the fire with a cup of hot chocolate.
However we experience it our pains come and go. They are seasonal. Their visitations are as powerful as a force of nature. That’s why I see healing as a relationship rather than a destination. The kind of healing everybody needs.
In the course of almost two decades of working with people and helping them grow from within I’ve seen so many who blame themselves for not being able to overcome old wounds, feeling shame for being perpetually haunted by the same mind patterns, even though they have dedicated so much care and effort to them through different healing modalities.
I felt desperate when I found myself in the summer of 2013 dealing with yet another dramatic episode with my sick mother. Sure that I was done with dealing with these repetitive visitations of guilt, shame, anger and feeling unfree to live my life, I realised that, despite everything, the umbilical cord wasn’t yet cut.
If we feel we’ve failed it’s because we don’t look at healing as a relationship but as a pinnacle we must triumph over in order to prove to ourselves that we are better, that we can always do better. A competitive state of mind that is akin to competing with your breath.
The only thing that has authority in life and the final say is our breath. It reminds us that we are filled from within with each passing moment. This moment is fleeting, constantly transitioning into the next, and we’ll never be able to compete with the autonomy of such a self-perpetuating rhythm. In stillness we find a being that is held, comforted and filled with the blissful autonomy that we yearn for.
The nectar of relationship is attention, love, being listened to, reciprocity of giving and receiving and true companionship. We get hit in relationships and we’re healed by relationships. Seeing healing not as a final destination that proves our invincibility over life but as a partner that is willing to walk with us through the different seasons of our life, we begin to slide gently into a kind of stillness that fills our present moment with incandescent insight — that what we’re looking for is always here. Even in such chaotic and unpredictable times.
Healing is to make something whole. Like an in-breath that is incomplete without an out-breath. Like a day that is incomplete without a night. Like a hand that is incomplete without a touch, a word that is incomplete without a sound.
We go over and back to the same pages of life,
each time discovering a new layer of depth,
a new level of letting go of resistance,
until at some point
we know what is wholeness
down to our bones
and our heart stays open
no matter who
is our guest.
Shelly's helping those who struggle with challenging feelings and old wound and want to find their way to come back home to themselves
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