When You’re Your Mum’s Financial Provider

Becoming your mum’s financial provider can feel like a role you never chose but somehow ended up carrying—one that seems inevitable, automatic, and tightly woven into your history. For many women, this dynamic didn’t begin with the first overdue bill or late-night call for help. It began much earlier, in childhood, when you were shaped to be the responsible one, the emotional anchor, the child who stepped into the parent’s shoes long before you were grown. This blog explores how that pattern forms, why it feels so unshakeable, and how healing the mother wound can reveal choices that were hidden from view—so you can finally step out of the roles that were never yours to hold.

I was 16 the morning I woke up to an empty house.

It was the first day of the summer holiday.

The bed in the living room where my mother slept was wrinkle-free. A white envelope lay on the dining bar that separated our tiny kitchen from the living room of our two-bedroom flat.

Later in life, my sister told me that our mum had woken her up in the middle of the night and asked whether she wanted to come with her.

She chose to stay.

I was the one to deliver the envelope to my grandparents, who were landing that afternoon to spend the summer with us.

That was the day my life split into two.

In the months that followed, my mother vanished. My sister and I were separated and placed in relatives’ homes.

While we were gone, at some point, my mother returned briefly, sold our house and the entire content of our flat.

Everything was gone.

My first woolly shoes my grandma knitted.

My childhood dolls and clothes.

Our family photos.

The home my grandparents bought so we’d have security—gone without a trace.

Years later, I was an adult woman and my mother was back in the picture.

Quickly, I became the provider: 

A grocery store phoning because she couldn’t pay her tab.

A landlord calling because the rent was overdue.

Bills arriving with my name scribbled on the envelope, asking me to cover them.

I felt like I had no other choice!

I remember saying to a friend in exhaustion, “If not me, who’s going to take care of her???”

At twenty-something, barely standing on my own feet, I was once again responsible for her survival—this time not only with emotional responsibility but also financial.

And it’s exactly how my clients feel.

Women who find themselves in the unwanted role of financially providing for their mother often believe they have no other choice.

No matter the options, the feeling is that it’s on you, and there’s no other way.

As a child you may not have been asked to earn money for your mother, but to take parental responsibilities in other ways:

🍒 You became the one your mother confided in about your father, as if you were her best friend

🍒 You acted as a buffer between your mother and other family members 

🍒 You were the one everyone called to appease her when she went into rage

🍒 Her mood was so volatile that you learned to stay calm like an adult while you were still a child

By the time you reach adulthood, taking care of your mother feels normal, expected and inevitable.

So when money becomes part of the relationship, you don’t see it as a choice—you see it as your job.

I want you to know that this didn’t start with you.

The mother wound is a rupture in our relationship with ourselves, with others and with life itself - initiated in our relationship with our mother. 

When an undermothered daughter assumes—unwillingly—the role of her mother’s provider, it’s because she was set up for this long ago.

The parentified daughter is a girl who’s been shaped over childhood to be the stable, responsible, supportive one until as an adult she’s becoming the provider.

You can, if that’s what you want support your mother financially.

But women who come to work with me feel trapped in a role that feels imposed. 

One woman told me, “This is backwards. I am the daughter! Not the parent. I want out… I just don’t know how.”

I will never know how to solve my clients’ questions for them.

What I do know is how to follow the signs of their emotions, body and spontaneous memories which tell us were unnoticed choices live.

Through somatic work, it becomes clear how:

🍒 The excessive responsibility you feel toward your mother is learned

🍒 The belief that you must provide is inherited

🍒 The fear of what will happen if you stop is rooted in childhood

🍒 The guilt is not yours — it was placed on you

And once those layers are seen, choices appear where none existed before.

These are clients’ stories that can show you what could be possible for you:

🍒 E. discovered her mother could pay for a care home — something she assumed was impossible — so professionals could support her mum through repeated depressive episodes.

🍒 C. learned that her father, not her, was responsible for supporting her mother. She was finally able to redirect her income toward her own child.

🍒 T. realised her mother had a circle of friends willing to help her when she was asked to move out — she was not the only person her mother could lean on.

🍒 J. found out that other family members were capable of handling the aftermath of her mother’s drinking, allowing her to invest in her new business instead of cleaning up emotional and financial messes.

Healing the mother wound reveals new choices that previously were hidden from conscious view.

If you’re in the sticky situation of being your mother’s provider, I’d love to help you navigate this, so you too can discover choices that are hidden from your conscious view.

 On Monday, December 15, my 1:1 rates are increasing.

If you book by Sunday, 14 December, you can lock in the current rate and choose to start now or anytime before the end of January 2026.

YOUR NEXT STEPS:

🍒 Click the link below to tell me about yourself and schedule a free call for us to feel comfortable with each other and learn about the process

🍒 Check your inbox for the confirmation email

🍒 If we’re a good fit, you can purchase your package by Dec 14 and book your first session right away or by the end of January 2026

INQUIRE NOW

P.S. Being the financial provider for your mother can feel sticky and suffocating. If you want to discover other choices hidden from your view, now’s the moment—my current 1:1 rates increase on December 15: Book here

P.P.S. Need reassurance that being your mum’s financial provider is not a must-have but learned? You’ll feel encouraged by the stories in the free private podcast BirthRite. Download here:

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Shelly's is a trauma-informed, certified Hakomi therapist helping women who've had a complex relationship with their mother discover the hidden impacts of the mother wound 👉 so they can thrive in their lives & careers