How To Continue From Here
Sometime life is abruptly interrupted. By a great loss, dreadful news, a sudden unexpected change, a painful separation. Your life seems to not be yours at the moment. Whatever hijacked the continuity you knew before swept you away to a completely new territory. The spring is here with its fresh crispy air full of promises of new beginnings, but your heart is missing a beat.
And you ask - what now? How to continue? Where do I go from here?
First know that these are real questions that want to be respected. You might need to have some patience, to find a little inner space that can breath while these questions navigate to their own inner lead. Avoid any resistance to life’s invitation to slow down or stop. Courage is rarely about a heroic act towards an outside event. Courage is always an inner invitation to open up to what we instinctively want to close down to.
Last week I lost the little baby I was carrying inside me for three months. At once two lives have stopped. Hers and mine. For me it’s hardly a question ‘how to continue’. It’s a state of being. It’s being now, an open-ended field of raw feelings and deep humanly desires to craft meaning.
A dear friend told me that you can’t move faster than the slowest part in you. I surrender to the embrace of that. I’m not looking to ‘go back’ because the past is never to return. Niether I am looking to get back into 'the rhythm of things'. The spring reminds me that the life that grew in the darkness of winter wake up gently and with grace. When we are able to put ourselves in the mouth of our worst demon all resistances melt.
I was thinking how to reconnect with you as I simply couldn't write without relating to this precious event that enveloped my life last week. As continuity dies with false pretences and thrives on honesty. And as a reader here you must know by now that everything I share is crafted from the joints of my life and the life of others or with life itself. I know that many of you are freshly joined here and that might be a little of a strange welcome. I trust in the knowing that what we all crave for is connection, honest and direct. I give you no less.
We are blessed with the force of desire. Whether it’s a desire to heal, the desire to make sense, the desire to move on, the desire to feel alive again. It’s only in the absence of desire that we can appreciate its meaning in our lives. Yet desire riding alone will keep on galloping even when you fell from the horse being dragged on the ground by the sole tie to your shoes. One breath is not competing with another. We learn to ride the waves as they come and go, bring courageous presence in the intermissions.
May we all dance to the rhythm of the slowest part in us, free from judgment and expectation, full of space and the simple breath of now
Photo by yang miao on Unsplash