When You Lack Confidence Because of The Mother Wound

If you want to heal the mother wound because you think you lack confidence--I've got some news for you. What often sits underneath lack of confidence is a silenced heart shaped by early relational disappointment. When you grow up with an emotionally unreliable or overwhelming mother, confidence doesn’t disappear—it goes underground, protected by caution, self-doubt and over-adaptation. This piece explores why confidence cannot be forced, how courage lives in the body long before belief, and how healing the mother wound restores your capacity to trust yourself, make clean decisions, and move through daily life without bracing or self-betrayal.

BEFORE I get into it I’ve got some exciting news—I’m now seeing women for 1:1 healing the mother wound in Zurich, Wednesdays 14.00-18.00. Reach out to schedule

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For a long time I struggled to understand what confidence really means.

If you had asked me what confidence is, or how to build confidence, I’d have stuttered.

Like you, I can recognise it when it’s present—when a woman speaks her mind in a way that feels like I might feel embraced to, when a woman walks down the street in a way that tells me she’s ready for whatever comes her, or when a woman writes the book I wished I had written.

Bu beyond the familiar clichés like “get out of your comfort zone”, “just practice and it gets easier,” or “believe in yourself”—-what to actually say with clarity?!

At the same time I can also see when we lack confidence because of the mother wound so this one was important to me.

As a somatic therapist and coach, I don’t believe in any form of “fake it till you make it”.

Most women who come to work 1:1 with me have tried countless ways to heal their mother wound and move beyond moments like:

🦩 Rage when you tell your mum—again—to stop saying the thing that hurts you, and she ignores you

🦩 Frustration when a colleague dismisses your innovative idea yet again

🦩 Getting disappointed by expecting your friend to forget your birthday—thought they’ve never had

🦩 Rescuing your partner when he feels low, while he refuses to seek support himself

Recently, though, something landed deeply when I heard a woman saying “I’d take courage over confidence any day.”

Let me rewind before I tell you why your confidence is not the problem—and how building confidence becomes possible, regardlessness of circumstance!

When you lack confidence but got courage

In 2011, I sat with Eran, a friend and colleague, for a goodbye coffee before leaving Israel.

At that point, I had built a small empire: a consultancy helping NGOs, charities and government offices design and evaluate their social-change strategies—a business which I had built single-handedly from scratch.

I worked with the Treasury Office and wealthy American donors seeking my insight into the impact of their investments.

From the outside it looked liked confidence—but inside it didn’t feel like it.

I met Eran though one of my projects. As two Pisces, we connected immediately and struck a beautiful friendship. He became my sounding board for unconventional ideas and a nourishing presence in my life.

After five years, I ran a six-figure business, I knew people in power positions, and was featured in a magazine equivalent to the Israeli Economist.

That breezy afternoon, sitting on high bar stools, sipping coffee, I told Eran I had decided to “close shop” and travel aboard to discover my next step in life.

After he got over his surprise he said, “That takes courage.”

That moment echoes in me now. I realise that courage is something many people remarked on over the years, long before I did.

To me, it was alway about “following my heart”. No big labels.

Healing the mother wound is reactivating your courage

We all have inherent courage.

The root of the word courage is heart and we all have a heart that tells us its wisdom constantly. Activating your heart is switching your courage on—this is how confidence grows.

When you can't hear or trust your heart, it’s not because you lack confidence—it’s because something sits heavy on your heart.

When I left the empire I had built, I had already lived through many moments of listening to my heart.

None of them were particularly easy and I can say confidently that they all began with healing my mother wound.

Before that, I followed the prescribed path: I earned a degree, married, built a home with a garden and a dog, and lived with a husband who pushed towards pregnancy and starting a family.

I felt deeply unhappy, yet he offered stability I had never known.

We think of confidence as performing which is why so many of us feel we lack confidence.

I too performed confidence—but inside, I felt shaky and lost every single day.

The one question that changes lack of confidence

The first courageous step I took was calling a psychologist and finally turning towards the childhood I thought I had left behind (you can learn what activated my courage in my private podcast Birth Rite)

From that moment on, I formed one question which I invite you to steal from me to use for every decision and step you face:

Is this coming from fear, or out of my heart?

There’s nothing wrong with making steps from fear.

Fear is real.

Yet even acknowledging fear when it's present requires courage.

Fear highlights what you might stand to lose if you take a leap of faith: money, belonging, approval, family.

But your heart know what you stand to gain.

The mother wound heartbreak

The mother wound is a rupture in all our relationships: the one we have with yourself and your innermost needs and dreams, the one you have with friends, partners or groups and communities and the relationship we have with life itself—your sense of calling and direction.

The mother wound resembles a heartbreak that repeats from early life, until your heart can no longer stay open, so it tightens or shuts down all together.

When you stop listening to your heart, your courage is also silenced. Without noticing you may:

🦩 Listen to your mother’s dismissive voice in your head, doubting your ideas and vision

🦩 Checking your dreams and needs for “later” to

🦩 Becoming your mum’s financial provider, step-by-step until you can no longer back away

🦩 Choose friends and partners who replicate what disturbed you most in your relationship with your mother

🦩 Starting up new endeavours but never follow through because you’re already disappointed from the anticipated results

🦩 Jump to rescue others and fix everything for them while silencing your need

Your mother does’t only live as voices in your head—she lives in your body and heart as tightness, contractions and lack of trust in places you were didn’t get her support, validation or encouragement.

And yet courage can reignite at any moment, at any age—regardless your past.

Watch small children how they act with courage naturally. They seek guidance, encouragement or support—and when receive it they build confidence.

This is the same process I offer you in my 1:1 Hakomi, somatic therapy and coaching with women who want to break free from the mother mother wound.

As you receive the right support, guidance and encouragement—especially in tender and significant moments—the protective crust around your heart cracks and confidence steps in.

Instead of relying on past experiences to inform your confidence you default into this question—“is this coming out of fear or out of heart?” To guide your life.

In my 1:1 work with women women find the courage to listen to their heart and take steps such as:

🦩 Eliminating overwhelmed or fear of missing out as you refuse undesired invites for time with family or chats with your mum

🦩 Choosing the level of contact you want to have with your mum—without collapsing into shame or guilt

🦩 Hop on a plain to Ibiza when a friend invites you because you feel easy with being happy and investing in yourself

I’d love to help you build your confidence—so your heart can be the leadership you trust forever!

I’m now welcoming new women into Healing their mother wound 1:1.

Schedule a call with me so we can map out together your next steps to reactivate your courage.

HERE’S HOW IT’LL HAPPEN:

🦩 Click below and choose your best time for the free call

🦩 Fill out the form to tell me about yourself and what you’d like to make happen

🦩 Complete and receive a confirmation to your inbox

SCHEDULE A CALL NOW

P.S. If you think that lack of confidence is what keeps you stuck, in healing the mother wound you’ll discover how to overcomes this block 👉 Book a free call to see how

P.P.S. The courage to be is the thirds episode of my private podcast BrithRite. Download your free episodes 👇

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Shelly's is a trauma-informed, certified Hakomi therapist helping women who've had a complex relationship with their mother discover the hidden impacts of the mother wound 👉 so they can thrive in their lives & careers