Fuck being humble

There’s a point where “staying humble” stops being wisdom and starts being a survival strategy you never chose. I’ve watched brilliant women shrink themselves because the mother wound taught them that taking up space is dangerous. This post digs into how spiritual bypassing fuels that pattern, why even the strongest women get pulled into it, and what changes when you finally stop making yourself small.

Like many of us these days, I’ve got a love—hate relationship with social media.

It’s about the way these systems are set up and their values (or lack of). Because the people are just us.  

I’ve met some amazing people on SM over the years, like Daria.*

Daria is a psychotherapist and a sought after shamanic healer and breath work instructor. Daria is the cat's pyjamas really.

And despite all her knowledge, personal and professional experience she got caught in an abusive relationship. 

Whatever experience we have, it’s not a shield against getting into s**ty messes or life hitting us in the face.

It’s how the mother wound works—rather than linear, it spreads in creative ways, showing in the place where we’re most vulnerable.

Daria’s strength was in showing up publicly, taking up space without fear of visibility and ditching a promising career as a medical professional to follow her passion.

Yet when it came to intimate relationships she found it really hard to trust or to find a man who won’t be afraid of her strength and with whom she wouldn’t need to be in the role of his mum or his therapist.

Daria's mum was an alcoholic. She left her with her dad when she was about six and semi disappeared.She’d appear unannounced, sporadically and never had real space or time for Daria. Daria had an ongoing love-hate relationship with her mum. On one hand she hoped that one day her mother would act like a mother and Daria was ready to love her and forgive her at any time. On the other hand, she was angry. Furious. When Daria’s boyfriend physically pushed her and then gaslit her, she reached out. She was flooded with childhood memories.

No matter how many times we’ve addressed the mother wound, sometimes something inside us snaps and we get triggered. If we don’t wait it out or push through, we get a chance to free ourselves from another layer of the mother wound.

That’s the thing about triggers:

They don’t give a damn how spiritual we are

They don’t care about context or how knowledgeable we are

When we get triggered we’re taken over by survival strategies. If yours is like Daria’s, being humble or spiritual can show up like:

🌝 Asking for what you need is dangerous

🌝 Having needs makes you a burden

🌝 Asking for money or fair pay is “too much”

🌝 Taking up space makes you unlovable

🌝 Being visible is having a big ego

🌝 Being unavailable results in being left out

Daria and I started with a chat, leading to a powerful journey for healing her mother wound. Daria told me she was shocked by herself—going in and out of a relationship she could see was abusive and still couldn’t break up. Recently, years after our work has ended, Daria reached out to tell me what it was that I said which led her instantly to break off that relationship—something she retells in all her retreats. I told Daria, “if you need to go through another round in this relationship, then maybe that’s what you need right now. I’m not judging you.”

I can imagine, it’s not what you expected to read.

We live in a male dominance, patriarchal system that floods us with judgmental messages about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

And if your mother was emotionally or physically absent, you learned to protect yourself against judgment by:

🌝 Playing like the boys at work or you’ll never get promoted

🌝 Expecting female friends to compete with you or betray you

🌝 Never getting caught not knowing when you’re asked a question

🌝 Either hiding your femininity or using it to win over men

If being spiritual pushes you to be alway available, kind, calm or accommodating, it's not spirituality but avoidance that activates a survival response, instructing you to—be a good girl!

In one of our sessions, after she’d broken up with that boyfriend, Daria told me

“Fuck being humble! I’ve spent my whole life trying not to be proud or overshadow men just because they don’t know what to do with me.”

The mother wound is a rupture in our relationship with ourselves, with others and with life itself — shaped in our relationship with our mother

You see, sometimes one single sentence, the one that your unconscious mind and wild heart needed to hear is enough to start repairing a lifelong inner rupture.

My work with you is not prescribed by shoulds and shouldn’ts, by patriarchal client-therapist protocols or by forcing a forgiveness and acceptance agenda.

In my book, there’s only one thing that’s right for you and the way to find it is—together!

The one compass that guides me in our shared exploration is:

Where is the unnecessary suffering & how we can get it undone

This looks like:

🌝 Asking for that promotion / coaching rates you want & ditching humility as a survival strategy

🌝 Getting that fancy dress you’ve been eyeing & soaking in the attention you attract

🌝 Sharing with a friend how she’d hurt you & expecting to be heard

🌝 Starting your astrology reading offer & trusting many will like it

Once you unhook from a system that perpetuates the generational mother wound you discover that you’re free to let go of spiritual bypassing and the good girl because you’re no longer afraid of being too much.

I’d love to help you make this happen! We can start with a chat, like with Daria and see what could be possible for your mother wound healing.

You can schedule a free call by Friday, December 12 the latest if you want to reserve my 1:1 rates before they increase on Sunday, December 15

YOUR NEXT STEPS:

🍒 Schedule a free call via the link below & receive a confirmation email in your inbox

🍒 Reserve 40-60 minutes so we can create a safe space for sharing and exploring your immediate next steps

🍒 If we’re a good fit: I’ll invite you to purchase your package by December 14 to lock in current rates

🍒 Book your first session: right away or by end of January 2026

INQUIRE NOW

P.S. If being spiritual boxes you into being humble & fearing taking up space—I’d love to explore together how that gets you to settle in your life 👉 book a free call. You can lock in current 1:1 rates, before the increase on December 15.

P.P.S. Want more examples of how inherited beliefs dissolve once the mother wound is addressed? 👉 You’ll find stories inside my free private podcast, BirthRite. Download here.

*Daria is a pseudonym name

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Shelly's is a trauma-informed, certified Hakomi therapist helping women who've had a complex relationship with their mother discover the hidden impacts of the mother wound 👉 so they can thrive in their lives & careers