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The Subtle Truth of Harmony in Relationships & Life

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The sun was peeking from behind the dark curtain that hid me from the sea‘s waves splashing in my ears. I rose from beneath the warmth of my sleeping bag and pulled at something that was tugging on my inner thigh.

I was still sleepy enough not to panic as the realisation dawned that a crab, lured by the warmth of my body, had crawled into my sleeping bag with me. I just grabbed it and rushed to dip myself in the fresh salty water.

Later on, while the rest of the humans who colonised at night the golden, sandy beach of Dor were gathered around their fires, I took a large inflatable tube, sat myself inside it and puddled with my hands towards a jagged rock 200 meters from the shore.

The game is that you settle with your tube on the rock and wait for the right wave to wash over you and, in the harmony of wave and momentum, carry you back out to sea, where you just puddle back to shore.

Only that I—too stubborn to receive the help offered me by those who'd done it before, always feeling I need to do everything by myself, learn everything by myself, take care of myself—got myself stuck between waves and rock, my back slowly tearing on the spiky edges of an equally uncompromising pile of sticky stone.

Nature is the perfect teacher for the stubborn to learn what true harmony is

In nature, each element knows when to move and when to stop, when to give and when to receive. Why do we think we’re so different?! We somehow have the impression that in order to create harmony, in life and in relationships, some sacrifice needs to be made.

Women tell me that they find themselves not saying what they want to say because they don’t want to disrupt the harmony of their relationship;

They don’t show the kind of affection they wish for, intimidated by what people will think;

They refrain from daring with their ideas and ambitions lest they overshadow their partner;

They hold back on who they are, fearing it’ll be too much.

The mother wound injures the ecology of the heart

Harmony is not a status quo. It’s not a compromise, either. It’s definitely not a sacrifice and a starving of the integrity of your heart.

Each time the ecology of our heart is broken, the cycles of true harmony in our lives and relationships are broken too.

Each time we give when we yearn to receive, we stay silent when we need to express, we say yes when we crave to say no, we fit in when we need to stand out, we teach the heart the fake way of harmony.

Just like in my scout’s game of catching the right wave to be lifted back into the current of the sea, true harmony is hospitable to a certain kind of tension that doesn’t pose a threat to the integrity of the heart.

The subtle truth of harmony is that it needs our heart to stay open. To stay attentive. To be vibrant to the tides and ebbs of our feelings and needs.

Women who needed to become young mothers to their own mothers, women who need to mother their partners, women who feel their mother is their responsibility, women who did not have a mother, women whose mother was an absent presence, women whose mother was silent when they needed her to speak up, women who felt their mother’s hurt and never dared to speak about it, women who inherited their mother’s limiting belief system, women whose mother was neglected and hurt, are all women who carry the mother wound.