Yesterday my mentor told me I should step into a beginner’s mind if I wanted to gain the benefits she has to offer me.
So I polished my beginner’s mind-shoes and stepped into it.
I was told once that a beginner’s mind is a curious mind. But curiosity was the last thing that was on this mind. It was instantly clear, “beginner’s mind sucks”.
You don’t know what to do.
You’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing.
The mind goes crazy with doubt.
You’re trying to follow all the instructions
and it’s all very overwhelming.
Suddenly, I noticed a judgment coming up on my mentor and I though “if I’m a beginner how can I judge? I have no basis for judgment”.
The judgment went away.
Well, that was interesting.
A bit freer to once again follow the instructions when fear appeared.
“Beginner’s mind sucks”.
You can actually hurt yourself, I thought.
Who knows if it’s going to work out the way you want,
who knows what you’re missing out while you’re following
blindly someone else’s advise.
It feels so vulnerable and risky
to be at the hands of another’s.
Fear can suck all the joy
and life out of this one.
“But hey,” I thought “I chose her as my mentor. After a long search for the right person. So show some trust in yourself”.
I was ready to go back to my beginner’s mind again.
With a bit less judgment and a bit more self-trust.
It went on and on like that. They say that a beginner’s mind is open and soft and ready to absorb. But, at first, all I could see is confusion, getting lost, fear, overwhelm.
Opening and closing and opening and closing
Well, like the breath.
So, after many rounds like this of night and day
of inhale and exhale
Something new was getting under the light.
The beginner has perseverance.
It’s her first time she’s trying this one out
and the temptation to see what’s on the other side
is strong and enchanting.
The beginner’s mind has stubbornness.
When she falls she tries again.
She’s not burdened by heavy expectations
due to a long previous experience.
She’s ready to give it at least few more
falls and rise.
Mostly, the beginner is connected to her mentor’s love
like a child to her mother’s.
That is difficult to resist.
She knows and feels her mentor
wants her best
and she’s there exactly for that.
The loving mentor doesn’t give up on the beginner
and can see farther than beginner can right now.
This vision is the magic spell over a beginner’s mind.
Where we find it sometimes difficult to show such powerful love to ourselves our mentors, coaches, therapists, roll models, awaken that love inside of us.
Beginner’s mind sucks. But it has some beautiful benefits.
It’s worth you while to find that loving experienced person
who can hold you right where you are.
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Photo: Alexander Krivitsky Unsplash